Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
