Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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