i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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