Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
