sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
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We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
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He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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