If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
