super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
what day is it and did you see me today?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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