Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
