Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
