laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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