I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
