Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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