Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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