so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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