Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
