I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize
