so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
