I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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