he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Randomize