i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
