the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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