Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
