I'm going to jail i love you
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
