you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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