Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
