So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
