My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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