Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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