yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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