Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
