I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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