They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
