i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
