I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
