So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
How drunk are you?
Completed.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
