the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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