Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
