he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
