you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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