Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
