Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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