I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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