even my farts smell like vagina
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
