Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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