she woke up with a sticky ear
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
