My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Randomize
