Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
