"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
