You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
