I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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