I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
