She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
