You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
