so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
