farters have to be the big spoon...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
This is classic penis vs brain.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
