Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
this is an emotional support booty call
is that a dick in a sweater?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
