Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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