I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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