You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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