Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
