fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
