I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
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