I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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