everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
