you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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