Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
